Sorting My Thoughts

I finished Dan Brown's book, The Lost Symbol, a couple days ago. Controversial? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Yes. I think Dan Brown is an interesting author – he takes some fact, some lies, a storyline, some (lame) romance, and develops it into an amazing book that I can't put down. Just when you figure out the plot twist, he tricks you. Every time. Even when I think I have him figured out.

The Lost Symbol is about Free Masonry, the misconceptions concerning Masons, etc. I think this was my favourite book of Dan Brown's thus far, and I desperately enjoyed the conclusion. However, in saying that it has sent my head swirling in terms of religion, God, and what I truly believe. I've been trying to sort my thoughts for days in some ways, and yet in other ways, I feel like these thoughts have been circulating in my mind for months. I had a talk with a friend yesterday – a good talk – about these sorts of things and that began the thought sorting process. What a better time to sort them down on "paper" then in the middle of a snowstorm (okay, not by Alberta standards…just BC standards). I'm cold, Alexys is napping, and I need to get some things off my mind. This is long and more for personal reflection, but feel free to read along…it's long!

Things I Believe for Certain:

• God. I believe in God. The Judeo-Christian God. I believe in a God who loves me.
  
• Jesus. I believe in Jesus who was fully human AND fully God here on earth. I believe he died to save me and have me live in eternity with Him.
  
• When I die, I will be in Heaven with my Savior. There is an afterlife and it is somehow connected to life on earth. I believe salvation is part of the picture for sure. I am undecided on the rest.
  
• Satan, demons, and the underworld – I believe their biggest strength is that people don't believe in them, giving them power in ways we haven't yet properly grasped.
  

Things I Wonder About (…just curious about logistics, etc):

• Prayer and the power of thoughts. I know that prayer "works." I have witnessed too many miracles and answers to prayer to doubt this. I trust that when I pray, God hears me and responds to my prayer (though not necessarily how I always imagine/hope). What I am most curious about it is how prayer works in the sense that somehow and in some way, it must tie in with positive thinking. The power of thought, recently, has proven over and over to be something that is more powerful than we give it credit for. Science is spending millions on thought projects every year. There is something here. Whether these two thought processes (prayer and positive thinking) are related, I have yet to decide and research.
  
• The Bible. I don't doubt the Bible's truths. I believe that scripture is God's holy decree and that scripture is breathed by God. What I doubt is the translations over the years and the present day interpretation. I've had these feelings for a long time, I think. I have trouble grasping the concept that human error has been left out of the Bible now. That being said, God uses this scripture above and beyond what human error has done. As a scientific history book, however, I believe there are mistakes and things that require further research. I wonder at times if the Bible is taken too literally and at other times, not literally enough. I wonder where to draw the line between interpretation and literal translation. The Bible has an overarching theme of salvation through the Messiah and I trust and know that as the most important truth in my life. That being said it is far too powerful a book to end there.
  
• Human mental strength. I think we are more powerful than we know or give ourselves credit for. There is something to be said about the thinking patterns of successful people in life. I want to know why and how. I want to discover the power behind successful people. It simply cannot just be luck. Hard work obviously plays a role, but I wonder about what else there is. There is more. I will get to the centre of it. We were made in the likeness of God. I don't believe that this was a physical likeness – it clearly can't be. It must be a mental likeness. Are we all gods (little g stressed)? I believe somehow we have more power than we're using. In attempt to be in reverence to God, have we forsaken that which He created us to be? I wonder about this often.
  
• How science ties in with God and scripture. There is more here than some choose to believe. I hate that they seem to be separate when truly they are more together now than ever.
  

Things I Struggle With:

• Grace vs. Law. This could be its own separate post, I suppose. I think every Christian struggles with this at some point in their life. As a teenager I struggled with why I needed grace. Presently in life, I'm struggling with why I need law. I don't think this will be the last time my struggles flip.
  
• Deaths of unbelievers. I really do struggle with this. My beliefs versus my heart truly struggles to find a balance. I am very unsettled on this and choose not to address it instead most often.
  
• Homosexuality. This isn't a personal sexuality struggle (I am very happily married to my husband, thanks), but this is something I have done a complete 180 with in terms of my thought pattern. This maybe ties in with my law vs. grace struggle. As a teenager, I remember thinking how disgusting it was to see/think about people who were gay…especially those who claimed to be Christians and be gay. Now I struggle with the opposite – why does it matter? Why has the church pushed these people away? I am living a life of sin as much as they are. There is no difference. Yes, the Bible says sleeping with someone of the some gender is sin. But so is lying. So are many things. I struggle with why humans rank sin, while God does rank one worse than the other. Sin is sin. Can liars be Christians? Obviously. Can gays? It seems like the world thinks not.
  

I am not doubting my faith. I believe in my salvation and a God who loves me. As a teenager I spent many hours researching and studying different religions and faiths. I spent time reading and learning and discovering. That's me. I don't jump into things with my eyes closed. I like to know everything (and I do know everything…just ask my mother. Haha!). My faith is no different and in fact, I believe in knowing what I believe confidently and fully. Blind faith is no good to me. There is a difference between FAITH and believing what you're told just because. God calls us to have faith and belief in Him requires that. But if you don't know why you believe in a God who requires this faith, then I don't believe you truly know what you're a part of.

With research comes a deeper, truer love. If I know my Savior, if I know my God…then I can love him more.

Sorry for the rambling. Posts like these help me sort my thoughts. Thanks for "listening."

kortney elise xoxo

Rest in Peace

I just wanted to do a quick blog update to share about the loss of a dear family friend who will be greatly missed.

Christmas morning my longtime coach, Danalee (she's been my coach since I was 6), lost her dad to cancer. He passed away at 1:30 in the morning with his family there beside him.

"Papa" was a fabulous man. He had the sense of humor I enjoy the most – the dry, sarcastic kind. He was a grandpa not only to his grandkids, but to everyone at the rink really. Everyone knew him as papa and everyone loved him. He was at every one of our local competitions – always. He was always in the corner videotaping every performance. The best part of the videos was that it showed how proud he was of Danalee. Often instead of videotaping our getting on the ice, he'd focus on the look on Danalee's face. He'd focus back on her at the end of our skate, too.

Papa had been sick for a while, but just last week was told that the end was near. I think it was sort of a shock to everyone that it happened so quickly.

Danny – you'll be very missed. We love you!

kortney elise xoxo

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone.
Hope your CHRISTmas day is fabulous - look for our Christmas card and family letter in the mail - I mailed them a little late, but hey. It's a Christmas season, right? ;) I'll post them when we get back from Alberta.

We're presently in Alberta celebrating with my in-laws in Holden. We left early (up at 4:30am) and flew here! We're settled and safe and dinner is soon to appear on the table. Yum.

kortney elise xoxo

Why Rear-Face Longer?

My rear-facing one-year-old.

This is a friend of a friend's post that she recently shared on Facebook. I stole it, so I can't take any credit for it, but these are some of the great reasons we're keeping Alexys rear-facing until she reaches the weight restraint limit for rear-facing on her carseat. Enjoy :)


Why Rear-Face Longer?
As you might have noticed, Facebook has been a bit bombarded by crazy people talking about how babies should stay rear-facing until at least age 2 (gasp! the nerve! the horror! how dare they!).

Oh wait. I'm one of those crazy people, also known as Child Passenger Safety Technicians (CPSTs) certified by Safe Kids Worldwide. I thought I might try to explain why techs, child passenger safety advocates, and concerned parents are so impassioned about this topic.

The Stats
Rear-facing children are FIVE times safer than forward-facing children.
http://www.hss.state.ak.us/DPH/ipems/injury_prevention/CPS/assets/M-BullonRFCar.pdf
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9916868
http://aapnews.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/30/4/12-a

Crash Dynamics
The majority of crashes are frontal collisions. In any crash, everything in the car (people, objects) will travel to the point of impact very quickly (fractions of a second). In a frontal collision, this means you, as adults, will be thrown forward with only your seatbelt and possibly an airbag to slow you down. Likewise, a forward-facing child will have only his or her harness straps to help the body slow down and stop (of course, they don't have the airbag). This leaves nothing to stop the head from continuing to travel forward.
Forward-facing crash test, 30 mph: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMFPSStXfqE&feature=related

The problem is the bones surrounding a child’s spinal cord do not ossify (harden) until ~3 years old. The spinal cord can stretch ¼ of an inch before detaching. A crash can stretch the spinal cord up to 2 inches, depending on the severity of the crash. So a younger child's spinal cord could detach from the head in a bad crash (known as internal decapitation).

A rear-facing child, however, is thrown into the energy-absorbing foam in the restraint shell, which distributes the crash forces evenly along his or her entire head, neck, and spine, keeping the body in alignment and protecting the spinal cord. This is why children in Sweden ride rear-facing until 4 or 5 years old. Incidentally, Sweden has very low injury and fatality rates as a result of motor vehicle crashes.
Rear-facing crash test, 30 mph: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qef1TXZ05Dg&feature=related

The Problems
Okay, so let's break all that down a bit.

1) A forward-facing seat cannot restrain a child's head (in the same way that our seatbelts cannot restrain our heads). The harness can only make contact at the collar bones and hip bones, but the head continues to travel forward.

2) The bones around the spinal cord don't ossify until age 3 on average. So the spinal cord is not adequately protected, especially in a severe crash.

3) Let's face it. Kids have big ol' noggins. My son did/does! "It's like an orange on a toothpick!" (Sorry, that's a line out of one of my favorite movies.) They're bobble heads! Actual numbers now: In a young child, the head makes up ~25% of the total body weight, whereas in an adult, the head is only ~6% of the total body weight.

And in a crash, you take the weight of the object multiplied by how fast the car/occupants are moving to determine the estimated crash force. For example: a 5 lb. head x 20 mph = 100 lbs. of crash force being flung on an inadequately protected spinal cord in fractions of a second. Ouch!

More on the physiology: http://www.freewebs.com/sacredjourneys/newbornpreschool.htm

So now let's put those three problems all together:
Unrestrained big, heavy head + inadequately protected spinal cord = real potential for a broken neck/spinal cord and possible subsequent death

There is simply no comparison when you look at the crash tests. Those crash tests convinced me to turn Emily back rear-facing at ~3y8m (no, that's not a typo), after she'd already been forward-facing for two years (she did not resist the switch thankfully because she's an equal opportunist and wanted whatever little brother was getting! No joke!). She finally turned forward-facing again at 4y7m (nearly a year later), when she hit the 33-lb. rear-facing weight limit of her Britax Marathon. Her brother, Zach, was rear-facing from birth to 3y2m, when he reached the rear-facing weight limit.

The Potential
A broken neck. 18-month-old Joel was nearly killed in a crash that broke his neck. His grandfather has now thrown himself into child passenger safety advocacy: http://www.joelsjourney.org/

More links
A new AAP article recommends rear-facing to at least age 2: http://aapnews.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/30/4/12-a

Why the legs are not safer once baby is turned forward-facing: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?Db=pubmed&Cmd=ShowDetailView&TermToSearch=17497521&ordinalpos=2&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum

Recent article from Pediatrics: http://www.hss.state.ak.us/DPH/ipems/injury_prevention/CPS/assets/M-BullonRFCar.pdf

Awesome summary and answers to other questions, including those pertaining to rear collisions: http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/StayRearFacing.aspx

Another great summary (from overseas, which is why their harnesses look a little different): http://www.childrestraintsafety.com/rear-facing.html

If someone you know has a baby who will be turning a year old soon, please forward this information to him/her.

If you already knew all this but need some YouTube sap to get (usually well-meaning, but misinformed) family and friends off your back, check these out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRP7ynNI8mI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psmUWg7QrC8

Remember that every step toward the adult seatbelt is a step down in safety. Turning your child forward-facing is NOT a milestone to look forward to and it's nothing you want to rush.

Work at Home Mom

In just a few short weeks, this will be my "title." A work at home mom. Crazy. I feel very blessed that I don't physically have to go back to work (I mean, like find daycare for Alexys and shower every morning at a specific time, wake up to an alarm, etc.). However, I also have to say that I am very proud of this accomplishment too. It required a lot of dedication and hard work to complete a 12-month program in 8 months – a program that the average completion time is 15-16 months (yes, you can take longer than a year…but you have to pay for your extensions). I'm proud that I graduated with honors on the first try, while I read so many stories of students failing all 3 times in a row (you can take up to 3 chances to graduate and a pass is 85%). It helped to have Alexys serve as inspiration. Whenever I felt like giving up, I'd watch her, cuddle her, and play with her. All good reasons to get my butt in gear and finish early.

So now what? I finished school. Graduated with honors. And…? Well, now I'm in the process of completing my practicum with CanScribe, also from home. It is set up just like a work from home job is…really, the only differences are that I don't get paid and I receive feedback for every report I submit (generally, only bad reports would receive specific feedback in a job setting). It is 100 hours of unpaid "work" – in which I logon to whenever I please, submit my hours on a weekly basis, and there are no minimum requirements, except that 20 hours a week must be met. My goal is to complete the 100 hours in 3 weeks. Ambitious, yes, but also possible…especially if you know me.

I feel blessed that though things are very tight around here, we CAN survive on Jordon's income alone. We don't like to, but it's possible. It will be nice to be able have a second income again to pay off debts, enjoy our treats (you know, things that contain a lot of soy – sushi and McDonalds!), and save for a bigger house and our future. A second income in this household is to supplement Jordon's and I like that I can do so from home. The goal is to work for a company that doesn't require me to logon during certain hours. Depending on the transcription company you work for, there are various ways to complete work. I hope to find one that is set up like my practicum – logon when I choose, download the files, transcribe the files, upload the files…done. All that is given is the deadline. It will be perfect to work after Alexys is in bed each night (so perhaps an 8pm to 1am job) and even while she naps. That being said, once I start job searching in a couple of weeks, I won't be too picky if I can get hired somewhere right away. The pay isn't fabulous to start, but I like that you are rewarded for how much you do. You work hard and fast? You get paid more. My only regret about this career is that I didn't start sooner.

I have a rough draft of my resume submitted to CanScribe that they will edit and send back after completion of my practicum and I have a list of 53 companies laid out in Excel – I have all the websites linked, email addresses written down, and testing standards noted. I'm nearly ready to begin the job search.

My question though…for you…for any work at home moms out there (Are you out there? Will you please speak out?)…how do you do it? How do you balance life? I am a person of independence…always have been. I need my "me" time each day or I get real grumpy and depressed. I need time with my hubby and obviously I need to spend time each day with my baby. I still need to work around the house, and clearly, I'll also need time to work. I know I'll have to lay out a schedule and perhaps even set an alarm to fit everything in (maybe not – I'd rather stay up till 2 or 3 to get things done, than get up at 6 or 7 and start early), but what are your tricks? How do you balance your day? What are the little hints I'm missing?

I'm desperately curious.
kortney elise xoxo

Soy – The Followup

I've done a lot of looking into things lately. Lots. Pulling up nutritional facts online of major restaurants, fast food companies, every day foods…it seems soy is everywhere and I can't get away from it. In my head, I thought that by avoiding the obvious, you know – soy packets – I was doing wrong. Big fail. Like major. Soy is in every single product in every single fast food restaurant in Canada (well, not including pickles, etc). Including Subway and Quiznos. It's true. The spray that is used on the grills in all restaurants has soybean oil so you're screwed. Bread contains soybean flour in all fast food restaurants. Things I picked up during research:

• Cobbs bread does not contain soy.
  
• "Original" flavor chips usually do not contain soy.
  
• Most garlic, onion, and celery salts contain soy oil.
  
• Kernels of popcorn are okay, but not the microwaveable kind.
  
• Cream cheese and other soft cheeses, including brie, contain soy lecithin.
  
• Plain pasta without dyes (who eats green pasta anyways!) are good to go.
  
• Some regular, everyday flour contains soy flour.
  
• Sugar-free things are generally made with soy – including things made with aspartame (a whole different story).
  
• Most often when juices or teas, etc., contain the phrase "Natural and Artifical Flavours" it will include soy.
  
• The only truly fast food you can get that does not contain any traces of soy is a Burger King Caesar salad without dressing or croutons. I've dedicated some time to this. Please let me know if you find something else!!
  
• Soy can also be found in toothpaste, soap, lotion, hair spray, baby wipes, and cleaning products.
  
• I can still have my Starbucks drink, since I just drink an Americano with regular sugar and milk. (Right? I haven't found anything that says milk contains soy traces…). Starbucks also has many food items that are soy free – their website is by far the best for nutritional information and breaks every item down into what allergens it may contain. For quick reference, blueberry bars and banana bread are good.
  

So, to say the least…soy is quite literally everywhere. If I'm going to be truthful, then I clearly can't cut soy out 100%. It would become an expensive, difficult pursuit that I do not have the time or energy for. However, that being said, come the new year, there will be many changes in the Story household containing soy products. I'm waiting until the new year to embrace these changes – cliché, I know, but that's how things roll.

To address a couple comments from my previous post:

• Soy formula is given to babies who cannot tolerate cows' milk protein – which is found in breastmilk, unless the mother adheres to a strict lactose-free diet, and in regular formulas. If a baby is allergic to milk, then often they will be put on soy formula (however, many babies who are allergic to milk outgrow this allergy…and if a baby has a lifelong allergy to milk, most often they are also allergic to soy!).
  
• It is thought that soy affects male fertility due to the estrogen in it. Makes sense. That's why I choose to avoid it (the estrogen, I mean). There are no conclusive studies (like most theories in this world), but that's the "rumor" if you will.
  
• I don't hate McDonalds. I don't think it's the worst thing that you can put in your body and I believe that as a company they are mostly good. They gave me a lot in life, really – paid for my entire second year of CLBI actually – and helped me develop management skills. They paid for my insurance while I worked there. I like their food even and still.
  

More to come in (before?) the new year on the changes in this household.
kortney elise xoxo

And we're back...

And by we, I mostly mean me, and by back, I simply mean after being pregnant and missing last synchro season.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I am back on the ice, back on my synchro team, and LOVING it. I think I’ve only dreaded going to practice just once in the past 4 months – and that IS a record. It feels right to be back on the ice and with my ladies. I feel just so perfectly comfortable and at home when I’m on the ice. I needed this season for closure for myself and my skating career. Unless I win the lottery, I can officially tell you I will be retiring in just a short month and a half, from synchronized skating, for this time in my life. It is a very expensive sport, as well as something that requires mucho dedication…neither of which I have an abundance of right now. I started judging as my way to stay involved in the sport that I love and have so much passion for. I know that my retirement won’t be forever and that one day, when I’m real “old”, and the kids are grown up, I’ll be back. But for now, I’m choosing to focus on the month or more that I have left. I needed this season for closure. I needed it for me. I’m glad that I have it and that I chose to skate. It was the right decision.
Since it’s out in the open now, I can share with you that we are skating to Angels and Demons, from the movie that was released not so long ago, based on the novel by Dan Brown. If you know me, you’ll know I love a good conspiracy theory (even if I don’t necessarily believe IN them)…and plus Hans Zimmer is the producer and man, he has great music. It is POWERFUL music. Strong music. It’s awesome. Our dresses are great – red, black, and white, with whips and wings. They’re unique.

It’s all coming together and the next few weeks are going to be busy. We had our first performance at the PI Gala on the weekend, our LMSSC Christmas show this Thursday, and then Winterfest, Provincials, and Mountains, in January. Due to (lame) changes in synchronized skating, they have taken Adult out of Nationals, and we will not be going to the “replacement” Nationals (Adult Nationals) they have provided for us. Winterfest is our national level competition – it is in Mississauga. Provincials is in Vernon and Mountains in Edmonton. Let me know if you live in any of these places and want to watch – I guarantee a great treat for your eyes! I’m feeling the magic of this program this year. It’s coming together like our Coming Home season. I’m crossing my fingers and toes that everything happens at just the right time!!!

Anyways, I wouldn’t normally do this, but since there is multiple videos up on YouTube, anyways, this is for your viewing pleasure. Keep in mind this our second skate at the PI Gala (and therefore our worst skate) as well as the fact that we have 3 weeks until we compete. Both factors in this performance. And, if you can figure out who I am, just note I tripped a couple times, and I don’t really suck that bad ;)

kortney elise xoxo
PS: Watch for a soy followup post. You’re in for a shocker!

Why We Don’t Eat Soy

We're slowly cutting out soy as best we can in this house. I've known for a long time (at least 3 years) that soy is not good for you, contrary to popular belief, but I really like soy sauce on my sushi, rice, and stir fry, so I've done my best to avoid facing it head on. However, now that Alexys is growing up and starting to eat all sorts of foods, we're making an effort to cut soy completely out of our diets. Why?

• The main reason is the chemical makeup of soy – it contains a natural chemical that mimics estrogen. There have been studies in animals that show drinking 2 glasses of soy milk a day, actually contains enough of this chemical to CHANGE the timing of a woman's menstrual cycle.
  
• Soybeans contain a lot of strange phytochemicals, including phytic acid (or phytates). All beans contain phytic acid, but soybeans contain a much higher level than any other legume. What does phytic acid do? It blocks the absorption of minerals, including magnesium, calcium, copper, iron, and zinc. Most legumes when cooked reduce the level of phytates naturally; soybeans are highly resistant to these techniques.
  
• Soybeans contain enzyme-inhibitors which block uptake of trypsin, used in protein digestion. It also contains hemagglutinin (causing over production of blood clotting). Phytates and enzyme-inhibitors are also both known as growth depressants and normal cooking does not suppress this, like other legumes. Only in fermentation do these inhibitors lessen, but not fully even then.
  
• Soybeans contain isoflavones, which in a recent experiment on rats, accelerated the onset of puberty significantly.
  
• 90% of soy is genetically modified and contains one of the highest percentages of contamination by pesticides of all food.
  
• Soy companies are aware of the terrible health concerns with soy and work hard at taking out the anti-nutrients within their beans. I will give them that! However, the method that they use to remove anti-nutrients becomes hazardous in the end, as well. Soybeans are first mixed with an alkaline solution to remove fiber, then precipitated and separated using an acid wash, and neutralized in an alkaline solution. Acid washing takes place in an aluminum tank adding high levels of aluminum to soybeans. The final step in processing is drying the beans at high temperatures to produce a high-protein powder. Nitrites are formed during this spray-dry and a toxin called lysinoalanine is formed. They then add MSG to most soy products.
  
• Soy foods actually increase the bodies requirement for vitamins B12 and D.
  

Wow. I think soy is worse than McDonalds food ;) It just seems to be a very processed food to me, especially for something that is marketed as healthy and vegetarian. True, it is vegetarian, but it is one of the worst things that can be put into your body, I believe.

Soy formula was what I was fed as an infant. I was allergic to milk when I was a baby. Especially in the 80s there wasn't much other choice, besides soy, and so I don't blame my mom (just so you don't feel bad Mama…you do what you gotta do!). However, there ARE many more options out there now a days and so if you find yourself in a situation wherein you cannot breastfeed and baby is allergic to milk (or the child is older and lactose intolerant) please, please do your research before giving out soy formula/milk.

I think that my biggest thing with soy is the fact that has been found to be related to endometriosis (actually, and those with thyroid problems, too). It makes sense to me and I feel as though I am a clear example of that problem.

If you Google "why is soy bad" you'll come up with dozens and dozens of pages explaining the negative effects of soy on the human body. I'm not a health freak – I eat McDonalds a lot, salad not enough, and have been known to down a bag of chips in one sitting. However, this is something I feel passionate about…my little girl is not digesting soy, if it's the last thing I do!

kortney elise xoxo

One Year Ago...

...my life changed forever.

Technically, at this time one year ago, I was in labour. The contractions were making me wonder if it was really it. I tried to sleep and failed. I used every towel in the house having shower after shower to ease the pain. I hate drying off with a wet, or even damp, towel. By 3 am I went to the hospital, just to see if it was labour, and yep...the early stages. It's ever so strange to me to be sitting here and not be in a state of pain, excitement, or wonder. Instead I have cold toes from skating for an hour and a half. It truly, fully boggles my mind.

Alexys wasn't born until the evening - 11:16pm to be exact...44 minutes before her Daddy's birthday (sorry darling, still wasn't keeping her in!). He likes to say they have the same Alberta birthday ;)

How far a baby can come in one year! From being so tiny and fragile, from crying a sweet, innocent newborn cry, from needing mom around the clock in so many aspects, from wee tiny diapers...to a girl with attitude and personality, to a girl who yells when she needs something, to a girl who doesn't quite need mom as much, to a girl who can feed herself and pick her foods, to a girl who sleeps (almost) through the night, to a girl who loves to watch the Wiggles and gets mad when she sees the same song twice in a row, to a girl who loves to cuddle, to a girl who is growing into her own independent person.

How far a mama can come in one year! From a scared, bewildered mama in the hospital who knew nothing about diaper changes, breastfeeding, sleeping (and lack thereof), or even how to calm a crying for no reason baby...to a mama who has an opinion on everything (can you tell?) about motherhood - from vaccinations to diapers, from soap to sleep methods. I think this progress may even be more than Alexys'...? :)

I'm a little shocked that my little tiny baby girl has grown into a not-so-little nearly toddling little girl. A little girl who took just one step yesterday (I think so mama could say, yep...she took her first step before she turned one!) just to show me she could...and then decided to not even attempt it anymore. I'm awestruck, I think the most, at how much my mom loves ME. Does that sound weird? I don't think it's something you can understand or explain until you have your own baby in your arms. To know that you are loved that much by a human here on earth is mind-boggling at best! Wow.

Well, my sweet angel faced girlie...happy first birthday. I promise you a treat today and a lot of snuggling - and perhaps some more walking practice :)

kortney elise xoxo

It was a PARTY!!!

We celebrated Alexys' FIRST birthday party on Sunday with close family and friends. Alexys officially turns one on Friday, but we chose to celebrate a little early.

What can I say? She opened her presents and actually got the hang of ripping paper off boxes by the end - she'll be a pro at Christmas! She ate sugar-filled cake, but only really dipped her fingers into the icing and ate nice - not too messy...she was a sweet, polite girl with a messy face. She wore her beautiful birthday dress that my mom bought in Vegas and she changed into her birthday girl shirt for cake. She played with her friends and I think all had a good time. Mom had fun learning how to decorate cakes way too late the night before...but I think I got the hang of it now and I can't wait to try again for the next birthday party. She also quickly learned that BUYING icing is cheaper and easier than making your own. Homemade icing is not going to land on cakes anymore - just the odd special sugar cookie. My feet were exhausted by the end of the night...and I'm glad that it's over!!! I'm so proud of my monkey - I still can't believe she's a YEAR (well, almost a year!).

Pictures are worth a 1000 words, right? I'll let them do the talking!
kortney elise xoxo

Graduate!

Well, I'm officially graduated from CanScribe Career Institute and couldn't be prouder - I officially finished a difficult program (actually if you read on the message boards, multiple people say it was one of the hardest things they've ever done...I wouldn't go that far, but it was challenging at times) and not only did I finish, but I finished it 4 months ahead of schedule and I graduated with honours!

I received 99% (with a score of 148.5/150) on the objective portion and 92% (226/245) on the transcription portion. I'm SO proud of myself. It was hard at time with a baby crawling/crying/being awake at strange hours...but I'm proud. Did I mention that? I'm SO glad it's over and can start the job hunt. I'm putting everything together now and I've already sent my resume off to be evaluated by my school (that's the part where they are best - they really do care what happens to you after graduation). If I'm finding that I am not being hired, I will retake the final within the next 6 months to attempt to graduate with highest honors (both portions must be 95% or higher for that). I may take a practicum in January. We'll see what happens.

For now, I'm going to finish up all of my outstanding judging work so that I can submit everything I can while I still have time. Who knows what the future holds now? All I can say is that I'm SO glad I can stay home with my sweet baby girl and she was the best inspiration of all!!!

kortney elise xoxo

Where Now?

Inspired by Ashley's post over on Just For Thought…I thought I'd share with you some of my own thoughts on where we're going from here. There's a birthday party post coming, I promise, but Jordon's on the big computer and that's where the photos are…so you'll just have to wait.

It seems decisions are always looming in the future when you're a parent – just when you think you've made big decisions (like whether to breastfeed, whether to vaccinate, whether to cloth diaper…), there are always more on the future (discipline, more vaccinations, potty training, bottle-weaning…). Maybe it's a first time mom thing, maybe…maybe I just outgrew the stress of it all and settled in as a mom, but the next decisions coming up are less stressful to me than the first ones I had to make. I'm not really sure why, I just feel more confident to make our next decisions in Alexys' life. Most of our choices seemed natural – things I thought of without much research (this could be bad, I suppose) and without contemplation. And not because they're not important, but just simply because I knew what to do.

To me, the next major decision concerns bottles and weaning and formula, etc. Alexys is 100 percent weaned now and she's okay with it. She's only asked for milk once, and I don't think that's actually what she was doing. It was more of a hanging on to my shirt cuz I'm cranky, type of thing. But who knows for certain. So now we're onto bottles – when do we change? What next? Our next step is the sippy cup and whole milk. I've never been a formula advocate and I really don't like using it, so once this thing runs out, it's out. Alexys takes daily vitamins already so I know she's getting her nutrients. She is also a pig so I know she's full. Currently she has 3 bottles a day – one at each nap and one before bed. Sometimes we throw an extra one in if we're out and she's cranky. She also has sippy cups all day. I really don't think that it's going to be a big transition for her. She loves her bottles, but I think a sippy cup will be okay too. She loves them just as much. She could care less whether it's formula or milk, so that's a relief. Anyways, the process of dropping her night bottle will not happen until the end of January – I am away too many times in January for skating without Alexys to try and pawn her off on someone without a bottle. It's easier and provides either her Daddy or her Grandma with some relief…and comfort for her, I think. Anyways. The plan is by 15 months, no bottles. Only milk in cups. Ambitious? Perhaps, but I know my sweet pea can do it. It'll just be patience that is key.

What else? Potty training is a big one, I suppose. I am definitely an advocate for early potty training – many Asian and European countries potty train by 1 year and there are many people who use "ECing" (elimination communication) at a young age. I didn't have the patience for that, even if I mentally thought it was great. However, our goal is to be potty trained by 2. Again, I believe in my baby and I know she can do it. I also do not believe in force potty training so if she is not comfortable, then we will not push. She's a smart girl though…and because I will be home with her and she is not in daycare, the opportunity is there. As of yet we have not started potty training. I believe in one large milestone at a time. Alexys is not yet walking and so we're going to focus on walking before we potty train. A potty trained baby is no good if she can't get to the toilet on her own :)

As for sleep, all is going decently on that front. She's no perfect angel and it took a lot of work to get her there, but we got here. Through patience, trial and error, and perseverance, I can tell you that my baby goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up at 9am. She sometimes wakes at night and still cries sometimes when she does, but for the most part she settles herself within five minutes. There's been the odd bottle at night, but not very many. As long as it's not habit, and simply a bad night, I don't mind. She naps at least once a day and sometimes twice…I can definitely say that sleep breeds sleep and that on the nights she doesn't nap, the night is MUCH worse. I am also proud to say that if we're out and about, Alexys can skip or push back her nap. Her schedule is not so rigid that we need to be home at certain hours. Phew!

Alexys receives her 1 year shots next Friday. I can tell you that I still stand behind my decision to not get the chicken pox vaccination at this time and that if your child has the chicken pox, please call. I'd like my daughter to get them too. Again, if she's not had them by 4 or 5, I'll get her the shot then. I prefer natural immunity, but seeing as though it's getting more and more difficult to get the chicken pox, I don't want her to get them when she's old and it becomes dangerous. We'll also not be getting the MMR shot, but be dividing the shot up into 3 singles – she'll receive only 2 next week – I have to call the health centre and find out some more information though before I decide which.

I think that's about it for now. A one-year milestone post is to come, perhaps even on her birthday (which is Friday!). I truly can't believe I have a 1-year-old. She's beautiful and I love her.
kortney elise xoxo

A Song for the Heart

This song has really sung to me the past week or so. I've heard it time and time again on the radio (106.5 in Vancouver/Bellingham are playing 24 hour Christmas music!) and always at just the right moments. No matter what you believe this Christmas season, I'd encourage you to listen to this song and do some thinking.

The first time I heard it, in the car no less, I found tears streaming down my face. It's a struggle for me personally to find a simple balance (not balance - that's not the word, but I'm tired, so it will have to suffice) between a worldly Christmas and a Christmas season focused on Christ...especially now with Alexys.

This Christmas season has been a strange one for me so far I think. I haven't really gotten in the Christmas mood and am busy with other things, I suppose - I get my school results Tuesday, Alexys' birthday party was today (a post with pictures to come, promise!), synchro skating season is kicking itself into high gear (read this as in the next 8 weekends, we have 6 weekend performances/competitions...3 of them requiring me to travel), we're going to Alberta for Christmas this year (leave Christmas morning, home New Years morning)...it feels the list goes on. Consequently, my busy "Christmas" season has turned into just a plain busy time of life. Musn't forget that job searching starts this week too, depending on my results, as well as a practicum through school. Sigh.

This song helps bring perspective into my life this week. I hope it does you too.

kortney elise xoxo

In the Mood

We're listening to Christmas music and decorating the tree right now, Alexys and I. One of us is doing more work than the other...one seems to be watching Franklin ;)

Here's some of my Christmas decorations I've already put up - my village and our stockings. All the Village stuff is hand-me-downs from my mom's (way better and more beautiful) village. Technically all the houses light up, but because the space I have to put them on is so small, the wires end up taking over, so I just leave the lights out. I can't wait to have space one day to spread them out. I'll be taking some pictures of my mom's village to show you - it's awesome!



kortney elise xoxo

Busy Day

Firstly, Alexys' doctor's appointment stats:

• 32 inches – off the charts in terms of percentiles. This is the first time she has been "off the charts" – and we actually got a good measurement today. Previously she stayed in the 97th.
  
• She weighs 23 pounds. That is 75th percentile – exactly how she has always been (except for the day she was born. She was 50th percentile for height and weight back then…you know, for a day. Haha).
  

Next was my turn at the doctor's office. Firstly, I demanded my old birth control regiment back. The doctor was maybe a little shocked at the high dosage I was on, but since I seemed to know what I was talking about, she didn't argue, signed the papers and off we go. Hopefully this will help out with previously mentioned issues. I will start next week and don't worry, I'll keep you updated!

The doctor also went over my kidney ultrasound results. I have been referred to a urologist, but don't offer me your kidneys yet. I have calcifications in BOTH of my kidneys (I've never felt pain in my right one before, FYI), but through ultrasound they can't tell if they are kidney stones. It is interesting though and stumped my doctor, because she said there is nothing you can do, except wait for them to pass. I asked how long until they passed and the doctor said about a month. I then reminded her I've had this pain since June. Oh right. Off to the urologist I go. I have to wait to hear when my appointment is. Who knows how far away that'll be.

The interesting development, my gut feeling if you will, is that these calcifications (upon my own further research) could be something we're all familiar with – endometriosis. It's rare, but not that rare (3% of endo sufferers have it in their kidneys). I'm not sure why this didn't flash in my head sooner, but the kidney pain started in June…which is also when I had my first period in 3 years. Coincidence? Perhaps. It also seems strange that kidney stones should ache more when I'm tired or stressed, no? Typically kidney stones don't change based on environment. Endometriosis does. Other symptoms include tiredness and nausea, remember? Also not typically kidney stones...and yet all reasons for me to believe my dear friend endo is back in a whole new way. I'm going to go to the urologist first though and I'm going to see what he/she has to say. We'll go from that point before I go back to see Dr. Williams at BC Women's. I also wanted to point out that before I was told I had endo, I was diagnosed with IBS and Crohn's disease – I'm glad I listened to my gut back then. Some days I think I should have gone to med school…

We also had a visit with Santa at the mall today. Alexys did as well as I expected her to. She was fine with Santa – she could care less about him, unlike some of the other babies we know. She didn't cry, although she gave him her "mean" look at first (it's her new trick and it's hilarious!). The problem was she wanted down as soon as we took her out of her buggy…so she was a big squirmy worm on Santa's knee – consequently we chose the only picture that she's looking at the camera…even if she's not smiling.

Here it is:
And just for a real comparison shocker – here's last year's picture where she was just 4 days old:

Off to bed,
kortney elise xoxo