Why I Chose a Midwife

So I'm blogging in the car. Because Alexys needs to nap and that's where she fell asleep and I have nothing else to do while I sit here...so blogging it is.

So let's go with...Why I Chose a Midwife this pregnancy. Ready? Go!

So with Alexys I didn't know I was preggo until I was 16 weeks. This doesn't really leave an uneducated person time to research things - so I did what my friends did...I called up the local maternity clinic and got myself in. Even if I had known about midwives then, it probably would have been too late as most midwives fill up fairly quickly early on.

So let's reflect on that. I saw approximately 10 different doctors (not OBs, just family practioners that rotate). I did not meet all of them. My appointments were short (5 minute to 10 minute range) and my questions were answered, but barely. I weighed myself, peed on a stick, and they measured my stomach. We listened for a heart beat and they took my blood pressure. Unless we asked, they didn't say what either were. I was uninformed unless I pushed my questions.

When I went into labour, I went to the hospital at 3 am to be checked, got sent home because I was 1 cm (good call...by a nurse), and eventually went back at 11 am. I did not see a doctor until around 5 pm. I got a doctor I met once, who I found rude, and I didn't like. The nurses did 100% of the help, checking, and encouraging. When my doctor finally came to check me around 8 pm, she decided she needed to call the OB on call at the hospital and she did the rest of the work. She was great (the OB).

Anyways. That was it. There was zero reason to have a doctor at the birth, seeing as the nurses and OB did everything.

Fast forward to this pregnancy. I saw my midwife at 5 weeks pregnant - she explained what they believed (and that is in choices and informed decisions by the family), their role in pregnancy, etc. At 5 weeks, when a doctor won't even see you, my midwife said the unthinkable - she asked me if I had questions! We chatted on our visit was almost 30 minutes...at 5 weeks! What else did I learn?

I will see my midwife no more often than a doctor, but appointments are 30 minutes to an hour.

There are 4 midwives and I must meet all of them - I've met 2 and my next 2 appointments are arranged to meet the other 2.

You have choices in your prenatal care. I didn't get tested for HIV or hepatitis this time 'round - they use my previous blood work and when I say that me and my husband have only been with each other since Alexys, they trust us...in medical practices, they assume the worst. I know it really isn't a big deal, but to me having your provider there for you and trust you is important to us. They offered us the IPS and similar early testing and let us know risks AND benefits...before we were told there are no risks. How can you trust someone who flat out lies? I can't. We have chosen to get the 20-week ultrasound, but again it was offered as a choice. We turned down gestational diabetes testing and opted for random glucose testing through pregnancy which, again, medical providers wouldn't allow - this is also a better indication than the outdated GDT test of drinking syrup and waiting.

What else? We were explained what happens if you're pregnancy becomes high risk at any point. In the first or second trimester, your care is immediately transferred to an OB. In the third trimester, you're still transferred, but the midwives stay involved. Same deal at the hospital - the on call OB at the hospital is called right away and they remain with you as labour support.

Speaking of labour, when you believe you're in labour, before you go to the hospital, they come to you, at your home, and check you. It saves that trip to the hospital while having contractions. As soon as you decide (together) that it's time to go to the hospital, then they are there....start to finish. Less pressure on over worked nurses...someone who knows you while you're delivering - shocking, I know. And again - any risks? OB called!!!! (This was my mom's concern because Alexys was a vacuum delivery). I wonder if I'd had proper support, stayed at home longer, etc if Lex still would have been a vacuum delivery.

Some people are concerned midwives don't give drugs - while we are hoping for a drug-free birth, your midwife helps you have the kind of birth you want - drugs or no drugs.

I think my last point is to touch on people thinking midwives are outdated and uneducated. I will caution that those people do exist and there will always be horror stories, especially (at least from what I've read) in the States. In BC, a midwife goes to school for FOUR years at University to learn about normal birth. They have a Bachelor's in Midwifery. Four years learning patient care, normal delivery, etc - remember any problems are a transfer of care. Now think about this - in their years of medical school, doctors learn for no more than FOUR HOURS about a normal birth!!! Four HOURS vs four YEARS...on the same subject. Even if those doctors go on to become OBs, never is the time spent on normal birth...it is spent on emergencies and problems in pregnancy.

And so to me that's where the logic lies - I will pick someone who spends time learning about normal birth for my normal pregnancy - I have no risk factors etc at this point. If, God-forbid, an emergency occurs, I will go to the person trained in emergencies. Logical no? This frees OBs from normal care to focus on high-risk/emergencies, completely frees GPs from doing something they're not even really trained in, and gives me a better birth. Win-win-win.

Alright. I've babbled on forever and my kid is still sleeping, but now you know why I've chosen to see a midwife :)

kortney elise xoxo

PS: I'm also blessed to live in BC, where midwives are 100% covered by our health card. I know other provinces are not as lucky!

My Big Girl Skating for the First Time

12 Weeks

I copied this from Jaclyn with what she did while she was pregnant. Again, really, it's easier for me to  write this all down now so that I have it for my scrapbook and pregnancy album, rather than try and figure it out. I like recording things here since it's quick, easy, and I'll remember :)

How far along: 12 weeks

Size of baby: The size of a peach - about 3 inches long (perhaps that is why I've been craving peaches lately?)

Total weight gain/loss: I've actually lost 10 pounds at this point from the puking...I haven't puked since Sunday though, so I expect that to change shortly.

Maternity clothes: Nope. Some of my pants that were tighter fitting around the waist aren't comfortable, but mostly they fit fine.

Gender: I'll leave this one this time, but delete it after this week because I don't need to say it every week - we'll find out in April when baby comes what the gender is.

Movement: Nope - although I moved really awkward the other night on the couch and I swear my entire gut/placenta/organ/something pushed forward so hard on my stomach - I know better, but it almost felt like movement. Not necessarily the baby...just a gut wrenching movement. Very strange.

Sleep: Sleeping just fine. Alexys started sleeping through the night a couple months ago and so I have been too - the last few days I've woken up once about 2 am to go pee. I usually wake up and pee when Jordon leaves around 6:30/7, but if he's off, I don't wake up. I try to avoid napping, but hey - it happens sometimes (especially when Jord has his 5-day weekends).

Cravings: I'd say I'm having more aversions, then cravings. And it's so to the moment - I'll be SO turned off by a food that I literally could throw up at the thought. I totally find hamburgers nauseating, ugh. That's the worst aversion. Until a few days ago, coffee was also grossing me out (and a sad thing since I drink a cup everyday normally). I get something stuck in my head though and won't stop thinking about it until I get it. The other day was peach pie (which I totally never got and I'm still pouting about). Then steak fajitas (which I satisfied). What else? Hamburger soup (funny huh?), white chicken chili (tonight's dinner), and Mars Bars (which I'm now feeling aversion to since I barfed it up).

Symptoms: Nausea, mostly now. Like I said, I stopped puking Sunday and haven't since. I thank the Gravol for the night, which I'm still taking one before bed or I wake up in the night ready to barf. I still have some nausea, but that's the biggest symptom. I'm a bit tired, but I wouldn't blame pregnancy as much as having to get up with Lex, especially on preschool mornings. I also have a pretty big gut/bloat by the end of the night. I took the above picture in the morning so you could see the skinny side of me (HAHA!). Mostly I don't think you can tell I'm pregnant, except in the evening, maybe.

Best moment of the week: When I stopped puking; hooray for Gravol!!!

Positive Thoughts

Some thoughts on baby number 2 - some positive thoughts:

I took Gravol yesterday for the first time. I felt a little guilty at first, but had plenty of reassurance and personal reassurance when I could function for more than 15 minutes without gagging or puking. I only had to take one today to make it through. I can eat more food and keep it down which in turn is probably helping after the initial Gravol. I'm hoping the sickness is starting to curb itself now - I'm 12 weeks - hard to believe first trimester is done (also counting in my head - first is 12 weeks as is the last...which leaves a 16 week middle part right? Never noticed!).

Anyways. Functioning better motivated me to make dinner two nights in a row, clean up my house, and work a ton on Sunday. My house is normal again and it makes me soooooo much more cheerful. It really lifted my mood! Hence the blog :)

So thoughts on baby 2?

Gender? Like Alexys, we're choosing not to find out until baby comes out. The surprise is too amazing to miss out on. For the record, almost every symptom is opposite to Alexys so far, my MIL says boy, and all the Chinese charts say girl. We're truly cool with either. I don't have a gut instinct.

Twins? Nope! Ruled those out early on due to my massive sickness - had to have an early ultrasound which I otherwise would have skipped.

Doctor? Nope. We've chosen a practice of midwives in Langley called Grove Midwifery. We couldn't be more thrilled with this choice and it will get its own blog post soon.

Home birth? Nope. Though we've picked midwives, we'll be delivering at a hospital again. I didn't have a bad experience at all last time and feel more comfortable there. As for my home birth friends? Love ya and totally get and support you.

Names? We've maybe come up with a boy name, maybe. We have a boy middle name for sure and absolutely no girl names...middle or otherwise.

Testing? Also its own blog post seeing as though I have more choices now than I did with Alexys, being so far along with her. Let's say low intervention level, but necessities covered. Having a midwife means having someone who let's you make choices even in prenatal care as long as it/us/we are  healthy.

I think that covers some of my main stuff. At least for now. It's starting to feel real - I could palpate the top of my own uterus tonight - it's just below my umbilical!

kortney elise xoxo

Preschool Thoughts

First Day of Preschool - September 13, 2011

I just wanted to share a couple preschool thoughts.

My baby started preschool last week. Just twice a week for 2.5 hours at a time. She's going to Wind and Tide and I couldn't be happier (so far) with my choice. It's a "hard to get into" preschool and I had to register her last November, when she wasn't even 2 yet!!! While it's not specifically a Christian preschool, they promote Christian values and believe in what we believe in. I like that - not so in your face, but maybe touching the soul in just that certain way.  Anyways.  We're thrilled with our decision.

So far Miss Alexys has gone just twice to school for 1-hour each. I could see a little bit of unsureness the first few minutes when I left. I sat in the parking lot and I sobbed...but I'm also pregnant and it was only for 10 minutes. And then I sucked it up and when and got myself a Starbucks. When I got back, she was cheerful as a clam and hadn't thrown any tantrums (a mom's biggest fear, right?).  I stayed behind after and asked the teacher what she thought - if Alexys would be okay since she didn't turn 3 until December. I was/am fully prepared to take her out for now if need be; I know that she is young. The teacher told me that she thought Alexys would be just fine - she had a bit of trouble sitting down in circle time, but eventually something clicked and she sat down with everyone.

The second day I didn't cry and Alexys was saying goodbye to me before I fully parked the car. She was very excited to go into school and when I picked her up she said, "No, more school."  I guess she's thrilled too.

Alexys' speech is still slightly delayed - she is definitely starting to talk in full sentences now (just last night she said, "Mom, the cat is outside" instead of "Mom, yeow" which is what she had been saying - ahem, our neighbor's cat, not ours).  She still has trouble answering questions sometimes, but we're working on it - I have to remember that she doesn't go from nothing to answering opened-ended questions overnight (What's your name?) - we're working in baby steps of "Is your name Alexys or Mommy?" I think I'll see progress as time goes on.  We're still in touch with a speech therapist if I don't see improvement by Christmas.

This is one of the reasons we decided to put Alexys in preschool - she's really smart, but has trouble with her speech and sometimes with her listening. She's an angel 90% of the time :D I realize that most kids are like this and it's something you have to work through, but I truly felt that socialization away from mom, dad, and the grandparents would be best for Miss A. I don't see homeschooling in our future (unless she chose to maybe in high school, like I wish I could have) - Alexys and I are faaaaar too similar to work well together. Ask Jordon - he's already dreading the teenage years when Alexys and I attempt to kill each other. 

Another neat thing that will come out of preschool is the little break Mommy gets. Five hours a week. Preschool is just 5 minutes from our house so close enough that I can drop off and pick up within 20 minutes, leaving just over 2 hours for me to do as I please twice a week. For now, I plan on working for those 4 hours so as to free up some evening time (read: go to bed earlier). In April, when baby comes, I know I'll appreciate those 4 hours a week it's just me and baby (and I'm sure dread the dragging baby into the car that early, but hey, that's life). 

We've also come to the realization that Jordon is OFF every second Tuesday, except for in December. This is exciting news also - we'll both be getting up, dropping Alexys off at school, and taking the time to go out for coffee or just spend some us time together.

So that's preschool for the year. Even if we drop Alexys' other activities (ballet, skating) - which we might end up doing or at least postponing - we'll stick with preschool. We're both enjoying it and I know it will help my big girl thrive!!!

kortney elise xoxo

Thoughts from the Shower

Since I'm having a baby, babies are on my mind - it makes sense, right? It also appears to be a popular time to have babies, this April...I think I'm up to 5 due the same week as me (and I'm not telling who, so don't ask). FIVE...the same week!!!!

Anyways. Babies are an interesting thing and I'm going to tell you something you may disagree and argue with. I really like newborns. Until about 4 months. That's my favourite. I also really like 2.5/3.

Confession? I don't really enjoy the middle part like others I know do. Lots of people I know love, love that age. I feel guilty for saying it, but it's not that I don't like my own kid or didn't love her or something like that...I just don't enjoy the age. I wouldn't want it on repeat if I had the choice.

I find it frustrating to balance everything. I find them hard to entertain. I hate that we struggle to effectively communicate. I hate doubting myself and my child and all the dumb milestones. I hate solid food. I hate their lack of mobility with the desire to move. The list goes on and on.

And yet at the same time, I made every effort to enjoy Alexys. I make this effort everyday because they are SO small. Time goes so quickly and I know that in another blink of an eye, she'll be 8. And then 15. And then married. And so while I don't enjoy the age group and man oh man would never, ever do daycare for that age group (you are saints!!) - I still enjoy my sweet girl. I take pictures to remember, journal and blog to recount memories, and pray to hold these moments close always.

So now where? Well, I'm having a baby. I know that it is going to be between the ages of 4 months and 3 years for a long time. I'm also pretty sure that this baby will be the last for a multitude of reasons and so I know I want to enjoy this baby for extra long. There are things I so look forward to: Nursing, the first smile, the first giggle...even those all nighters when they just won't sleep. I truly enjoy those moments.

And yet in nearly the same breath, I look forward to my babiest baby being 3 or 4. I look forward to our changing relationship. I look forward to the relationship Alexys and baby will have. I look forward to the more normal family vacations. I look forward to busy days and field trips. I look forward to being able to sit down and do crafts. I want to sit and play board games with my kids and let them win. I look forward to so much more than I will miss about them being babies.

And I know that all those things might not come true and that the challenges ahead are harder yet than the ones behind...but at the same time, those are challenges I look forward to. I love kids and always have, always (I always volunteered for the crazy boy group when I was a kid coaching at skating - I loved kids camp at CL - I loved being a lunchtime monitor, etc)...I just realize now that there is a certain age group I just don't enjoy. I'm just that kind of person and I think that's okay.

Is there an age you dread/most look forward to/don't enjoy/enjoy most?

I'm going to be honest here...

I'm about to whine. Because whining is the only thing that makes me feel slightly better.

So if you don't want to hear me whine, go away.  I'm grateful to be pregnant and excited and all that.  I promise.  But first I'm going to whine.

So if you don't like it, just click X.

I'm really freaking sick. I hate it. I'm sick all day. Today, in fact...I haven't kept anything down. Probably some water and a bit of coke (coke because sometimes it helps, I don't know why - apparently I'm crazy and desperate).  Actually no...I've kept down a grapefruit that I ate about an hour ago.  But I can feel it coming up.  I'm typing this to try and think about something else. 

I'm not dehydrated so there's no purpose in going to the hospital.  There's not really anything they can do.  Besides rehydrate me.  Which I'm pretty sure I'm not.

But it really sucks.  I'm just whining that's all.  I'm constantly sick.  I feel like a bad mom for not playing with Alexys all day and feel awful when she comes in and says "Mommy okay?" while I'm puking.  Sometimes she even rubs my back.  She also laughs some times.  What a kid.

So I've tried about everything I can think of - diclectin (up to 10 a day with no effect), ginger tablets, sea sickness bands, coke, slurpees, papaya enzymes, etc.  None of it works. 

I've been hesitant to take Gravol because while some say it's safe, others say it's not.

But I'm getting desperate. I've lost 7 pounds now between puking and not eating because the very thought of food makes me want to vomit. I haven't had hardly anything with protein and all I eat is frozen fruit...sometimes.  So I think I'm going to try Gravol.

Any other suggestions?
desperate, puking me xoxo

A Baby

And just in case you STILL didn't get it and we're not friends on Facebook...

Yes, we're expecting another Story :) Baby #2 is due to arrive April 3rd-ish and we're thrilled. I'm just shy of 11 weeks and feeling oh so pregnant (okay, maybe just hungover actually - I can't stop barfing).

I've had a couple comments of how long this pregnancy is going to feel in comparison to Alexys - I didn't know until I was 16 weeks remember? I knew with this one at approximately 3 weeks and 5 days :) However, it really hasn't felt terribly long. I have other things in life occupying me and if I could ever get over the terrible, horrible, freaking awful morning sickness...I really don't mind being pregnant. In fact, I enjoy it. And I'm really trying to enjoy it despite the sickness - I'm 99% sure this is the last baby and therefore last time I'll be pregnant. So it's one of those things - need to enjoy it because it'll never happen again. Plus if I wish this pregnancy away, that'll mean my first baby will be almost 3.5 - and I don't want her to grow up. So I'm good with how "long" this pregnancy might feel compared to the last. If this darned heat would just ease up a bit (I'm good with the sun lasting for a while...just not 30+ degrees - I avoided a summer pregnancy on purpose, FYI).

So yep. I know a whackload of people due within days of me, and even more due within weeks, and even more the month before...and I'm sure announcements are on the way too.

We're just very excited to expand from 3 to 4 :)

kortney elise xoxo

Just in case...

Just in case you missed it, some thoughts on life:

I am tired.

My hair is thicker.

I lost 5 pounds. Maybe even 6.

I really don't like pickles or tomatoes.

Dairy turns me off. Really off.

My toenails are growing at some weird fast speed - it's really creepy.

I've done a great job of keeping my toilet clean lately.

It's all about the coke.

I'm not sure about my skin - yes, no, maybe so.

My nipples are huge and I totally just admitted that on my blog.

I don't really have to pee anymore than normal - I wonder if I never recovered?

Did I mention I was tired? Though oddly not like before.

Our photo shoot makes all the difference. Perhaps you should look again ;)

kortney elise xoxo

Another Story Photo Shoot

I need a nap...

Dinner is in the crockpot (yum, it smells so good and it's only noon!!!).

Already had a coffee date this morning.

Laundry is all in the machine, though not yet folded.

Alexys is on her 4th bowl of soup which she has been sucking back for 2 hours. She demanded soup at 10 am.

We've been on a walk to the park and back.

I am going to take Alexys out this afternoon and try out my parents' camera they're donating to me - it's a fancy one, except digital. I love taking photos, so maybe I can experiment with it (and don't worry - I know I'm not professional, I'm shooting on auto, and I won't try and start my own business LOL).

Except right this second I'm tired. Alexys decided 6:10 am was a good time to wake up - and the sun was barely out. Not exactly the game plan today. Today was supposed to be a trial run of tomorrow. So that we could be up and ready for 9. Which we were...but now I'm too exhausted to do anything.

Think I can convince her to take a nap? :D

I also need milk. Shoot.

kortney elise xoxo

In My Mind

I thought I should share where I am in my mind right now. Simply because you'd probably like to be there too. See me? There on the beach...with the smoking hot body and a girly drink with an umbrella. Yep, that's me.

Alright. I know. I've whined a lot about not going on vacation. But it's my blog...and since I'm very aware that I won't be going on vacation in some time (especially like the one mentioned above), I have to pretend and dream. Right? Right.

That's all. I'm going to bed before midnight.

It's a miracle.
kortney elise xoxo

Summer. The End.

And that's a wrap (rap?) folks.

Yes, it seems summer is drawing to a close. Why is this significant to me?

Well, firstly I did nothing. All summer long. I didn't work much (mostly by choice). Alexys had no structured activity. I even feel like I got out of a great deal of cooking somehow.  We spent a lot of lazy days hanging around, bonding with family here, and doing random things. Heck - I even quit all my FB games except one (which I just started). I did nothing.

I went on zero vacations. I didn't even make it to Bellingham for grocery shopping. No one came to visit me (from out of town). Nothing. We didn't go to a beach (well aside from White Rock maybe twice). We didn't have a campfire. I didn't even make it to the freaking PNE - hmph.

So yah, besides the laziness, summer kinda sucked. But it worked out well - summer ending makes me reflect on life you know. I start considering the what ifs of life...and while I choose never to regret, I always wonder. I see high school grads going to university for the first time and I'm a little bit jealous. I see people traveling and I'm a little bit jealous. I used to equate jealously with regret, but now I see it as okay - you can be happy and confident with life while still wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere...wonder is okay. Choosing to live in your situation with confidence and happiness is key. And that I do.

Summer ending this year is also a reflection on what changes are coming with what I call the next stage of life. Alexys is starting real life and consequently my choice and roll of a stay at home (...work at home...) Mom is changing.  Alexys has preschool twice a week, ballet, and skating. This means life is going to run on a schedule. I think it'll be good...for both of us...but that also means establishing an earlier routine, for both of us. I am a night owl and I've always, always struggled with bed before midnight. This needs to change because getting up at 730 is what life will present - I'm still the kinda girl who functions best on 9 hours unfortunately.

This will be an adjustment to when I work and how I get me time - learning to establish me time at a rink might be key - reading a book while watching Lex skate is going to be vital. I do have those few hours a week while she is in school to work in the mornings, and I'll have to learn to do this, as well. I'm curious to see if we'll both do better under this environment. I've also established that in order to work effectively, my mom is going to take Alexys once a week for me, maybe after school on Thursdays. This is also needed as I learn to adjust to earlier nights so I can fit in appropriate amounts of work. Unfortunately, we do need the money and therefore I must work. I felt guilty about this to start and still do a bit, but I understand how much Alexys loves my mom and vice versa. As Lex is older, they both want special "Mama-Alexys" time to have a good relationship and do things together.

Again, this is good on so many levels - I just need to accept it. It's also good for me to have alone, even if working, time at this point.

So that's it. That's the end of summer schpeal. So begins the next chapter...wish me luck!

kortney elise xoxo

Just Another List

I really promise some good blog posts coming. I've started a few.

Maybe when I finish this list, I'll be able to finish blogging.

I only put lists on here for my own benefit - and I guess if you want to check out what my life looks like, well, then, the lists are yours to read too :)

• I have 3 files left to transcribe for the SFU professor - a 55 minute, a 35 minute, and a 30 minute. I've putting all this money directly onto my student loan that I'm still paying off (ugh).  It's been nice not having to worry about it. 
• Work has been cut short this week, so I'm hoping to squeak in 100 minutes or so between Saturday and Sunday. It's doable if we're allowed back on. Jordon's off Monday/Tuesday, as well so I hope to get extra done then too.
• Registration for Alexys for Canskate is this week (Thursday) and her helmet is on order - it doesn't start until the following week, so we're good. I would like to take her myself to a public skating session before then - that can be a goal for me this week (and seriously you should see her skates - too freaking cute!). 
• Preschool starts Thursday - her first class is only an hour and I think we're supposed to stay.  It didn't really say either way - I think I'd like to stay, just to see - but I have the kid who kicks her mother out of anywhere as fast as she can. We got her shoes and waterbottle. I have her back pack and some fun snacks bought. I just need to put it all together (with an extra outfit in case of accident) and write her name on everything. 
• Ballet starts Monday the 13th - I'm good. Everything is ready...although, again, I'll write her name on everything, because I'm wonky like that. 
• I'm working on my PCS Seminar that I'm putting on for a skating club next Friday. It's coming along - I have to entertain, teach, and enlighten I don't know how many kids for 2 hours on ice and 1 hour off ice.  Off ice I think I'll be okay - I have some videos, etc.  I just need to get it down on paper in an organized fashion.  On ice - well, I need to do the same and come up with some creative ideas to boot. 
• There's a "mom's night out" at the church where I had Alexys baptized next Friday, too - I really want to go - but I don't know if I'll have time/energy after the seminar. It would be a good segue for us to try and go back to church this year. Let's just get in a groove of getting Kortney outta bed in the morning (remind me again why church has to be so eeeeeeeearly?). 
• Post a bunch of stuff on the selling Facebook.  Almost there - went through Lex's closet tonight, reorganized it, and put her fall stuff in, keeping some summer stuff out, just sitting out, just in case.  I keep some of her stuff and sell some of it. It's like a constant garage sale.  It works nicely, most of the time, until I get irritated and throw everything out :D 
• Little miss homemaker stuff...I also need to finish washing my floors and finding some carpet cleaner to make my carpets pretty. 
• Call the bank to fix our monthly fee - I keep forgetting and I know it's too high.  I'm writing here so I remember. Okay.

Okay.  I think we're good.  My list of things to do actually doesn't feel as daunting as it could be. I have some free time this week, Jordon is home for 2 days next week (he is working 4 on, 1 off, 4 on, 5 off - the 9 in a row there kill me, but the 5 make up for it so nicely).  I can do it.

That was my own pep talk.
kortney elise xoxo