One of the things that causes me anxiety is a messy house.
This is a recent discovery.
Because...ask my mom...I didn't use to be that way.
I don't really know when its come on, but I have definitely narrowed it down to a messy house makes my type A flare like no other.
Now. I'm not a clean freak. If my house is dirty, well - it doesn't bother me. It's the mess of toys and stuff I can't stand. I take this too as a sign that our place is small and learning contentment in it takes time. I'm getting there, I'm just putting 2 and 2 together here and sharing...mostly for my own thought processing.
I find blogging therapeutic. Truly. I think I sort myself out best in writing and this is my outlet to work through things I need to. It's a place where I can put my feelings down. I could do it privately, I suppose, but somehow knowing someone's reading...that eases my mind too. I'm not sure that makes sense...but it does to me. And knowing people tell me in person that my honesty and bluntness has helped them out...even privately. Well, for that I'm glad too.
Anyways. End tangent.
Messy house = Anxiety.
So go clean it? Well duh...except I'm too tired. It's lose-lose essentially. I want to be showering and relaxing right now (actually I am...I blog in the shower remember - more therapy). I don't want to clean. But at exactly the same time, I'm nearly tight-chested over the toys on my floor. The laundry in the dryer. The dishes on the counter.
Someone told me yesterday I'll be playing catch up for the rest of my life. Enjoy the rest (we slept till 11 am - oops!). And that has resonated well with me. I liked that. I needed to hear that. I know people who need to hear that.
I also had someone tell me yesterday that I do it all...constantly. And in the same day, I said no to someone asking for something to volunteer for. It was liberating - freeing even.
This is the most sporadic post and it's only slightly lightening the tight chest...I know I'll have to get out of the shower and clean up before bed.
I already have pregnancy insomnia. I don't need to add anxiety insomnia to it too.
Jordon is off tomorrow. For whatever reason, that helps...even if it's not always physical help, the distraction helps.
I'm going to add a list - sorry. I think it will lessen the chest tightening.
-Make bank appt for Mon or Tues tomorrow.
-Laundry by tomorrow night and put away.
-Competition aaaaaall day Saturday - good thing I'm already prepped (you almost got this post tonight).
-Finish weekly minutes for work...a stretch but doable. Sunday can be less stressful this way and only bonus audio :)
-Ask J to figure out the feeder part of the scanner so I can scan the rest of the promotion scattered across my table. Then I can chuck papers and it'll be killing 2 birds with 1 stone.
-Clean bathroom.
-Go to Ikea Monday or Tuesday.
-Also rearrange room and order bedding.
Okay. So it's not that bad. It feels more in my head. This is good...now perhaps I can settle. Today I got done a 25 minute report of outside dictation I took in, 3o minutes of regular work, the bank, eyebrows waxed, car cleaned (needs a vacuum and wash), school registration at the School Board (I was waitlisting Alexys...also another post), Starbucks, made Lex a "chore" chart (another post), caught up on emails and bills, took a nap (see - rest!), and made dinner. Oh and got my blood work done (yeah for eHealth and online results...boo to anemia).
Okay. I feel marginally better.
End tangents. And shower.
kortney elise xoxo
4 comments:
I totally know what you mean about wanting a tidy house, not necessarily a clean one. I tidy up toys a hundred times a day, but I hate cleaning the bathroom. I love doing dishes, but find wiping the counter a chore.
I'm interested to hear about the chore chart!
Blogging is therapeutic. Writing something down and then keeping it to yourself doesn't help. It's just not the same.
Second, I'm the same way with the mess. There can be dirt on my floor and I really don't care, its when I have a mess on my counter that really makes me crazy. Or an unmade bed. :)
I think I have a similar problem with feeling stressed over mess. I absolutely cannot sit and put my feet up and actually relax if there's stuff all over the place.
Here are 2 of the things we're working on that I think will make a really big difference -
1) Teaching Theo to clean up his own toys. It's a heck of a lot of work but I think it will really pay off in the end. I've been working at it with him for about a YEAR already. He gets better and better all of the time and I have high hopes for what life will be like in the next couple of years.
2) Getting rid of a bunch of toys. I find Theo pulls TONS of stuff out and doesn't really even play with most of it. He just loves to throw it around the house. Mark and I have spend the last few days getting rid of things he has never played with, and boxing up other things to keep in the garage. Then we can rotate his toys once in awhile anyway, and there's less for him to throw around. We finished our sweep of the house today, so I'm hoping this week will be more restful with less picking up of the toys :)
Oh Avey, we're totally the same way. I rotate Alexys' toys religiously and everything has a place and a box. She doesn't have nearly as many toys as other girls her age (and trust me, I feel like there's SO much crap for girls LOL). I chuck things out every other week without fail. And we have a chore chart for Alexys and all I have to say is "Do you want a sticker?" and she cleans up all her toys without much complaint.
But I still stress LOL!
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